Respectful relationships

New relationships can be exciting, but it’s important to know when you should be cautious. If you’ve started seeing someone, there are some behaviours you might want to look out for:

• declarations of love or demands for unreasonable level of commitment too early in the relationship
• threats to commit suicide or self-harm if you decline a date
• calling you names or insulting you and then saying they’re “just joking” or they “didn’t really mean it”
• possessiveness, jealousy, highly manipulative behaviour and control.

Things to think about

If you’re in a relationship, or thinking about getting into a relationship, there are a few things you should know.

• Not everyone at university is having sex, but if you want to, the most important part is consent.There needs to be enthusiastic agreement to engage in each type of sexual activity – this needs to be communicated in words and actions. You don’t have someone’s consent just because they don’t say “no”.You always need consent, whether you’re in a relationship or married or you’ve just met someone. And you always have the right to withdraw your consent, even after you’ve agreed – your wishes should be immediately respected.To be in a position to consent, you need to be willing and able to agree to any sexual activity before it happens. You can’t consent if:These acts are criminal offences in Australia and will not be tolerated by the University.
• It’s important to ask for someone’s consent before engaging in sexual activity and to listen to the physical and verbal cues they’re giving you.Before engaging in sexual activity, or during sexual activity, you should ask these kinds of questions to make sure consent is ongoing:Listen for positive, enthusiastic responses that indicate consent. If someone says anything like the following, or nothing at all, you don’t have consent:Similarly, you can tell by someone’s body language if they don’t freely consent to the sexual activity. Signs of discomfort could include pushing you away, stiffening muscles, not responding to your touch, turning away from you or hiding their face, and uncomfortable or painful facial expressions.If you hear or notice any of these responses, stop immediately and listen. Don’t make them feel bad or try to suggest reasons why they should say yes. If they don’t want to, they don’t want to. To continue is rape or sexual assault. For more information, you can watch our Sexual Consent video:
• Whether you’ve just started seeing someone, or you’re married, it’s important to be aware of some behaviours that indicate you’re in an unhealthy relationship. These behaviours include:If you, or your friend, is experiencing any of these behaviours in your relationship, you should talk to someone at the Safer Community Unit or submit a report online.
• If you’ve been asked to enter a relationship, or you’re already in one, you always have the option to end or decline the relationship. You don’t need to feel guilty about ending or declining a relationship, and you’re not obligated to explain your decisions to anyone.If you’re unsure how to end or decline a relationship, or you’ve already tried and the person has persisted, there are a few things you can do to make sure you effectively communicate your decision:If you’ve tried to end or decline a relationship and your decision is not being respected, you should contact the Safer Community Unit. Feel free to get in touch for support or advice at any time.